“Laying down the hammer or nah”
In the business world, we are not good about sharing our emotions — unless the emotion is anger! We show anger very easily.
We kid ourselves that we are most effective or ‘professional’ in the business world when it is a stiff and formal place.
When we experience rejection, we feel hurt. That is an important emotion to notice and to acknowledge.
When we are little kids, our parents can pick us up and kiss our bruises and make us feel better. As little kids we’re not embarrassed to say “I got hurt” or “Those kids hurt my feelings.”
As we get older, we don’t talk so readily about our hurt feelings. We still feel pain, but it translates into anger. We don’t say “You guys, it really hurts me when I see you not fulfilling your word. I don’t know what to do about it. I’m doing the best I can. I want to be a good team player to you guys. How can we work together more effectively?”
Instead, we say “You people better shape up or ship out! Or better yet I’m out ” We don’t want to talk about our hurt feelings, so we get angry and bring the hammer down, instead.
When managers and leaders feel anger, they have lots of ways to show it! They can discipline employees. They can write people up and put them on probation. You could even fire someone on your team — but what good would that do? (Note* Some people def need to be fired.)
You know that the energy in the team is the problem — not any one employee (most of the time) or even the whole group of them. To shift the energy in your team, you have to soften first.
You have to sit down with each team member one on one, and open up. You have to say “I need your help. I’m confused and frustrated by the poor morale and the low trust level in our team. What can I do to change that?”
You will ask each person “What can I do to change the negative energy in our team?” You will ask for each team member’s ideas. You won’t tell them what you need them to do. You can’t force people to respect you.
It’s just the opposite! The more you push, the farther away your teammates will move and the more resistant they’ll become.
The less they’ll listen to you or care about what you have to say. You have to go in the opposite direction!
Instead of pushing them away, you’ll lean back and invite them into your sphere. You’ll do that by being human with them. You’ll be open and humble, and ask “How can I do a better job managing your gifts and talents?”
That’s what a leader does. A leader doesn’t bring the hammer down in order to try to force people to care. That’s an impossible task. You can’t make people care!
After all, that’s what your team has been trying to do for these past months. They’ve been trying to get you to care about them and their wounded feelings over someone’s failure to get your job and or the departure of another team member or because you didn’t give the go ahead on a idea.
Their hurt reactions look to you like hostility. That makes sense, because fear and hostility are two sides of the same coin. Your team’s reactions to your idea’s and decisions not there’s have made you angry. See the cycle?
You’re in charge, so take charge of changing the negative energy into positive Team Mojo not by using force, but by being open and human with your teammates and letting them know that you need their help.
You being a great leader in rl and sl is understanding that people all want to feel relevant and feel care is involved. The biggest motivation you’ll ever get is from people passionate about what they do and, people that feel important and recognized by the company they support will always go above and beyond for them.
Khalied ‘Kev’ Jameson
Sweater: (/H.UP!\) Arctic Sweater – Creme M
Glasses: * S O R G O – ClubMaster Wood (G)